So, i get a call this week.....
"Kerrie, its your Antie Claudette, your cousin Renea has been repeatedly stabbed ....."
From that point, i did not register much else.
My cousin is a 19 yr old boy, in the wrong place, at the wrong time, but the Gods where with him.He survived, without being crippled, paralized or any of the other possible risk's of being knifed, apart from the obvious being death.
A blessed young man, if u take into account that his kidney was punctured in the attack!
Attacked by fithteen boys all aged 13-19.
ITS DISGUSTING.....but ive been here before..............
Whilst training at Hammersmith College doing all my performing arts a few years back,
i made a very unlikely friendship with a girl called Ruth.
Now when you first clapped eyes on Ruth, your first impressions where most probably "who's that boy"???.
Ruth was the biggest tomboy to be brought into this earth, forget anything you've ever imagined before, Ruth was a boy trapped in a girls body!
She was so intriguing and un-usual, serious and deep!
Nobody could understand the friendship, which made it even more exciting.
In the common room, i'd be going over dance step's with the girls and she would be playin cards for cash with the boys, but then we'd come together and have the most interesting conversations about the most random things, conversations i dont think she would be able to have with anyone else.
In the holidays our friendship grew, in such a weird way, over the phone.
We'd sit and chat for hours about nothing and sometimes about everything.
I'd never really hang out with Ruth as we where into different things, i didnt want to hang with her 'boys' and start fights and act bad, and she didnt want to hang with me and my girls, shopping and lunching!! Apart from the two times id pay her a visit, we'd sit up all night and make up lyrics, smoke weed and laugh uncontrollably.
So we had this amazing phone friendship that got pretty addictive and intense!
Untill i had enough..........
I had, had enough of the side to her she never showed me, the side i dont think was really her, but was becoming stronger everyday, the time off college wasnt a good for her!
Our wonderful conversations turned into me giving constant lectures and telling off's!
She was becoming uncontrollable with the anger and aggression!
She no longer told me of her dreams and thoughts, she now told me tales of the "roads"....
I couldnt handle much more of it......her energy was starting to rub off.
I distanced my self, as my attempts to help change her was not making any difference.
It started to affect our bond, we no longer spoke, we argued!!
I thought, id give her the time to do all the things she felt she needed to, and hoped she'd come back to college on a steady vibe, more like the Ruth i knew....what i know to be the REAL PERSON inside!
So i stopped answering her calls, ill never forget there was a time she gave me seven missed calls...........
It was nearly two weeks until college was starting back, and i was looking forward to Ruth most of all, id missed her and couldnt wait to see how she was getting on!
It was in those two weeks, i woke up one morning to a text which stated that Ruth had been stabbed to death by a gang of boys aged 13-17.
It broke my heart, i will never stop feeling the guilt of the space i had created between us!
Maybe she was reaching out?
Maybe she needed my help?
I will never know now.......................
We all know this has to be stopped, but how?
I dont see it possible, you cant change mass mentality, a generation that want to fight to the death.
Arggghh i could go on, but thinking of the what could have been with my cousin and the reality of what happened to Ruth could actually drive me insane!
What is happening to us?
Whether were killing each other on our doorsteps or out in Iraq.......
we are KILLING!!!!!
As Andre 3000 once said "you are fucking the very thing that brought you into this mother fucker in the first place"..............think about it!